Five Buckys

29 weeks! August is the size of an acorn squash. Jared and I had been dating for about a month when we took our first roadtrip. We were driving seven hours from South Carolina back home to Virginia and those seven hours consisted mostly of hand holding, music listening, and an obnoxious number of stolen cheek-kisses. Every 10 miles or so, Jared would position the rear view mirror in my direction just to smile & wink at me; making me fuss him to keep his eyes on the road then quickly and shyly turning my eyes to the window hoping he didn’t notice my expanding smile & blushing cheeks. Not many words were said during that car trip nor were we trying to create conversation. We were just falling very in love with being near, being together, being an ‘ us’ . Now, a year and a half and many roadtrips later, our rides are much different. There’s still the falling in love, the hand holding, and the occasional stolen kisses. And if I know your Daddy, which I...

Last night, I didn’t eat supper. I was moody and hungry and sick and feeling so not myself. So your Daddy did what he does best. He took care of us. He snuggled us under the covers and engaged me in a long conversation about the only topic that eases my mind: You. He stroked my worried head and fed us banana slices and let us sip ice water through a green straw. A green straw he picked out of the pack just for me because I love green and he knows me well. I cried big, giant ‘I’m in love with this man’ tears about that green straw. (August, I hope one day you learn the significance a green straw can be to a girl.) And your Daddy talked about how much we already love you and what a great job we’ll do at being your parents and how, once you are here, it’ll be hard to remember life before you. And that’s when I remembered I already kinda forgot what it was like before you. I just remember the day I found out you were growing inside of me. I cried a...

  28 weeks! Thank you Jeannie Parker for this darling bracelet!  The third trimester is here! And there’s been some new pregnancy  awkwardness  going on ‘round here. Making typical things like walking, sitting, sleeping, & getting dressed look a lot more like uncomfortable pain and pouting lips. But check it! There’s also been some new pregnancy awesomeness going on ‘round here.  Like back-rubs, big appetites, spurts of energy enough to clean the house, and little strong baby feet playing bicycle in my belly. & with little bicycling baby feet reminding me I’m almost done growing our baby, who cares about pain and pouting? Right?!  *go ahead, remind me I said this during my 5th hour of labor. 

"Every great man was first a boy" -Dan Zadra A couple of weeks ago, your Daddy and I came across this book about what boys are made of. We stood close together, my head on his shoulder, and he read it to me while I daydreamed of a little boy. A little boy with messy hair and golden eyes. With hugging arms and forever moving feet. With intelligent ideas and big dreams. A little boy that learned to love well because he was very well loved. A little boy who grew up to be a great man.  A great man, standing next to me, my head on his shoulder, reading me a story about our son.

27 weeks!  August is the size of a head of cauliflower. Most days, I want you here more than anything. I want to hold you, to feed you. To just stare at you with the widest of eyes so as not to miss a second of you.  To see you in your Daddy’s arms, cooing at him, falling in love with him.  To see family kiss your pink cheeks, touch your tiny nose, hold your baby hands.  Most days, I want that more than anything. But some days… w ell some days I’m a bit selfish.  & I love being the only one in the world that never misses you move.  That gets to hold you and walk with you all day.   That gets to rub your head or bottom every time you nudge them against me.  That keeps you safe and calm and warm and growing. And I love knowing every time I’m dancing, I’m dancing with you.  Some days, I need that and I like to imagine you do too.

Your Mama and I spend every waking moment (and lots of sleeping ones) imagining what our life’s going to be like with you here. We’re positively convinced that a) you’re going to be the most wonderful, miraculous thing that ever happened to us and b) we are utterly incapable of waiting patiently for you to get here. Don’t worry - we’re not going to try to break you out early or anything. But we just can’t wait to hold you in our arms. Me especially. Yes, your Mama (thinks she) is as excited about that as I am, but she gets to carry you around all day everyday, and I have to admit that I am incredibly jealous of that. I readily admit that I would not have what it takes to carry you like your Mama does. She has been so strong and patient and brave for what is undoubtedly a very difficult task, and I couldn’t be more proud of her. She worries that she’s too much for me or that she complains too often, but she’s been so amazing. S...

25 weeks!  August is the size of an eggplant. I dreamt of you. You had curls, chubby baby calves, and some pretty sweet dance moves. I didn’t know who you were right away, but I did know that I loved you a whole lot and wanted to hold you more than anything. But I shyly just watched you dance and laugh and be the cutest cute anyone has ever been. During which, my heart did silly things inside my chest. Then you made eye contact with Jared & ran to him, happy as ever, with arms stretched out, he scooped you up and carried you to me and plopped you, all giggly and squirmy, into my lap. Before my confusion set in, he smiled at us sweetly, kissed us both on the head, and I was reminded that we were yours and you were ours. forever and ever And this is the part of the dream that I decided I never wanted to wake up.  And, dear dream baby, I’m so glad I don’t have to.